I was so ready to start pouring shit here over an hour ago, like really depressing kind of shit, and it wasn't even of me! I had been going over it for an hour and suddenly, it was gone. All of it was gone! I had been crying over it and it's gone. Just like that. It's weird because I finally realized how much I go over the things I write and how little of it I end up writting.
BACK TO THE POINT.
The only time I've gone to see a shrink I was told that I had something like depression and bipolarity, except that most of the time I was in a neutral-kinda-blank state, I don't remember what it was called, but when I feel an emotion I feel it reeeaally strongly, being it positive or negative, and if I don't feel anything is because I hadn't been affected by it. You see, a few days ago, I made my mother really angry. I don't even know what I said or did to make her so, but while she was trying to share her burden with me I didn't feel a thing. I mean, I understand what had made her mad, I understood what I had done and what is my problem, and while I accepted that, yes, she's right, I'm an inconsiderate piece of shit, I realized I should be, I don't know, feeling bad? Ashamed, sad? I literaly felt nothing at all. It's happened a few times, something happens, people feel something and react a certain way, and as I comprehend which is the reaction I should have, I don't have it. It doesn't get to me as it should.
"Did you hear? A woman skinned her children and killed his husband the other day!" Oh, really? What was her name?
"There was an accident at the road to Kino, the car ended up exploding" Mom saw it while coming from work.
*Sees teacher falling down the stairs, breacking her leg, and tons of students rushing and trying to help her and call an ambulence* Shhhhhoooot, I'm so hungry.
*Passes all the regularization exams with good marks* "You made it! How you feel about graduating?!" Fine, I guess.
*Gets accepted into the university in the career she wants* OH SHIT, I NEED TO GET THE MONEY, WHAT DO I DO, WHAT DO I DO?!
And I try to act the way I should, but it seems to make it worse for everyone. I don't know if I need to stop or continue trying.